I feel better, I am home. I hope its the combination of AntiPD1 treatment and the new blood. Maybe my anti-thyroid medication is kicking in. I admit that things have taken a serious turn with the tumor, being the in hospital, and the scary suffocating episode, but right now, today, I am great. It’s a little difficult to carry on and pretend I’m not a sick person, especially dragging around this tank and breathing through a tube. I like denial. It works better for me.
I’ve had a difficult time and had some scary conversations about “What If” something happens, the fact being that nothing can be done for me that isn’t already be done. Nothing. Forty-three years old with one big, nasty, stubborn melanoma tumor inside my heart. It’s really a miracle I’m still alive today. 1 year and 5 months with Roscoe, 14 mos after first brain tumor diagnosed, 6 months after two more brain tumors treated. I’m trying to focus on the blessings.
Birds outside my window.
Prayers, cards, emails, texts, blog posts, calls, visits. I am surrounded by love.
Nothing hurts today, my blood work is good, and my oncologist is encouraging.
Family dinners brought by friends.
Friends with sandwich delivery and visits to the ER and Cancer Center Infusion rooms.
Flowers.
Found my sense of humor – referred to my own medical status as “Either an impending miraculous turn around or a dirt nap”
Feeling better and able to get out of the house a little each day.
Privileged to meet an awesome fellow melanoma warrior at Vanderbilt 3 days after her surgery.
Wonderfully cool temperatures.
One week out from treatment and I feel better, not worse.
My spunky mother, bravely dashing forth into the Nashville wilderness to retrieve child after child, navigating sleepovers, dentist and pediatrician appointments, and summer school.
Hearing and seeing normally. I am still reveling in each day. I do not miss you, Zelboraf.
Summer camps and summer school.
Amazing and wonderful family and friends.
Driving.
The ability to look forward on the calendar.
The strength to wrestle with end of life decisions so that my amazing husband doesn’t have to wonder what I would’ve wanted. This has been a huge struggle for me – it felt like giving up at first. I’m just writing it all down and sealing it an envelope. The fact is, we are all going to leave this Earth sooner or later and I think of this as a gift to him. It’s the only way I can manage it without tequila.
Peace that comes from knowing God is infinitely good and it’s all going to be OK.
Strength that can come only from God – to carry on, to hope, and to NEVER EVER GIVE UP.
Each Day is Truly a Gift.
Peace – Amy
Lisa Baskin said:
You are truly an inspiration for all that love God!Prayers & Blessings to you and your family!
Beth Hallmark said:
Thank you Amy for your inspiration. Praying for you and your sweet family. Love Beth
Holly said:
Amy, you are so amazing. I pray for you and Alan and all of your family each day. I thank God each day for what you put yourself through knowing that it will, without a doubt, also serve my niece whose first spot of melanoma appeared at age 16. You are a Blessing to your family and friends but also to many you have never even met. Please keep your faith and strength — I want to see a book of all of these posts published by you in the future!
Holly Jordan
Julie Derr said:
Amy you are a blessing to all of us! Thank you for your courage, humor, and sharing your journey with us!
Angie Smith said:
Geez Amy! Looks like you just can’t seem to get rid of me! Traci is awesome. Glad to have met a friend of yours with a big heart.
Mike Cassidy said:
Amy,
“Humbled” by the crosses you have been carrying for more than three years and the courage you have shown day-after-day-after day…. “Amazed” by the strength and fortitude you and Alan have shown. “Struck” by your wonderful sense of humor through it all.
In absolute “awe”…….of your faith in God and others. “Numbed” by even trying to wrap my arms around all that you have been through. Left feeling that my daily thoughts and prayers for you are so inadequate for an “angel among us”.
Peggy and Garry Kennedy said:
Amy: You are a blessing each and every day to your family and friends and your wordings are priceless in this blog. God has given you a special gift in sharing your “good times” and “not so good times” to others in your life. You sincerely relish the strength that God has given, and still continues to give you, each and every day!
Love from Both,
Linda Pease said:
Thank you so much for your posts. I look forward to them since they always brighten my day. You are a light of goodness and are so generous to share your journey. I appreciate the perspective that your posts interject into my ‘busy being busy’ day. Life is fragile. You wake me up and remind me to stop and smell the roses.
Many, many thoughts and prayers.
Edie Whitley said:
Stay strong Amy . So many people are pulling for you. You’re in my prayers everyday:)
Suzanne Johnson said:
Continuing in prayer for you, Amy. May He wrap His loving arms around you.
So sincerely,
Suzanne aka Nana
Jennifer Handshy said:
Hi Amy…I want you to know you were prayed for on the “prayer wall” (a VERY cool thing) at Holy Family’s Servio Deo mission trip this week. You are never alone in this struggle.
Jennifer
Lee Cazayoux said:
Amy, I missing seeing you at Holy Family and only saw your post via a mutual Facebook friend. I think of you often, and I will continue to keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers. Your grace, strength, and faith are amazingly inspirational. With faith and love, Lee Cazayoux
Amy said:
Praying for you and your family, Amy! : )
Jess Bridges said:
Said a little extra prayer to St Philomena for you…all our love, you have been such an inspiration as we have fought our own battles. You sort the wheat from the chaff.
Sue said:
Praying continually for you. So glad you can still find the blessings in each day. You have blessed us all!
Kristine said:
Amy, You continue to be an inspiration for many with your humorous spirit and grace. Continuing to pray for you and your family for “tumor shrinkage”. May God continue to hold you in the palm of his hands. Love and Blessings, Kristine
Lee Ann Knoch said:
Thank you for sharing your blessings with us. We are praying for you every day and said a rosary for you and your intentions this morning. May God continue to shower you with special graces and blessings.
scott garrett said:
Hello Amy,
We do not know each other but I am a St. Matthew parishioner and your story/blog was just forwarded to me. Wow … your strength, spirit, faith and attitude are truly inspirational. Keeping your sense of humor and amazing faith/trust cannot be easy but it sounds like you are “Just Doing It”. Wonderful.
I am battling cancer as well … brain (GB4) and appreciate your challenges and journey. You & your family are in the Garrett Family prayers.
God Bless,
Scott Garrett