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Everything is fine here in Nashville and by fine, I mean insane.  My hemoglobin has been up the last two times they’ve checked it so I have not had any blood transfusions and my thyroid is heading in the right direction for once.  My blood pressure is terrible and I am exhausted, so I guess it’s either the treatment or the cancer.  My platelets are way down suddenly so tomorrow I have blood work again to try to determine why.  Let’s all pray it’s something simple or my new hematologist wants to do a bone marrow biopsy next week.  My Anti-PD1 treatments cannot continue (supposed to be #6 next Tuesday) until they can figure out what is going on.  I didn’t even know what a hematologist was 24 hours ago.  I think I liked it better that way.  Alan and I were discussing in the waiting room,

Me: “How can this be a big deal?  What will they do?  Draw more blood, examine me?”

Alan : “Exactly.  What could they do?”

Dr. Hematologist an hour later: “So I recommend sedation for this bone marrow biopsy of your hip.  We will also chip off a piece of bone to look at it. “

Me: “Yes, I WILL have one order of the sedation, please, and a ride home”.

We are both working on our MDs from “Google University” as Alan likes to call it.  Sometimes, the information can be a “little” unreliable.

I have too many doctors to coordinate with, too many things going wrong, just too much everything and not enough me to deal with the mayhem along with the start of school and sports.

Not to put ANYONE down, cancer is just plain HARD but there should be a completely different staging system for moms with cancer, I swear it has to be harder. And the GUILT.  The Mommy-Guilt is the worst. 

I cannot thank everyone enough, our friends who have prayed with us and for us, fed us, watched our kids, taken them to the pool, library, movies, etc., and given them the summer fun we could not.  I really wanted to visit the beach but nixed the idea after realizing the enormous burden it would put on Alan if something happened to me.  He would be out of town dealing with a wife with a serious health crisis (at best) AND three kids.  I just love him too much to do that to him. Summer was not what I expected, but I am still here, so it is more than I could have hoped for.  I am blessed beyond measure to help our 3 rug-rats start a new year, no matter how difficult it is.

Some days are better than others but still my faith holds that I am on the right path and I am trying to do what God wants me to do.  Faith in anything seems easier when things are going well.  When the going gets tough, that’s when you discover what you truly believe and who you can believe in.

Peace and Love to you all,