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You’d never know what I’ve been through, except that I’m sporting a huge hickey. I assume it’s from the tube they had running into a vein in my neck during my surgery. Or perhaps I was bitten by a vampire. Either way I guess at 43 it looks a little silly. Maybe people are jealous. It’s the most expensive hickey ever. Thank you Lord for our health insurance.

I’m getting a little better every day and my brain is feeling less like scrambled eggs. I cleaned out the vegetable drawer. It reminded me of when we first got married.

I’ve lost 17 pounds since being released from the hospital – all of it fluid from my kidney problems. I won’t lie – that didn’t feel too great. My ribs on my right side are still very sore from where they spread them to weave into my heart. I’m lucky they didn’t have to crack my entire chest open like a pistachio.

My thyroid is officially minorly broken from the Yervoy treatment I did. And I have additional nerve damage in my right leg from the clinical trial drug. Fortunately these can both be remedied with drugs. I laughed out loud at my endocrinologist when he told me the thyroid drug has to be taken on an empty stomach. Yes, that and six other doses of drugs. It’s official, I no longer have time in the day to eat.

Many people have asked me what happened. I knew all week I wasn’t feeling well, and I think I knew my time was running out. This was accompanied by the most deeply peaceful feeling I’ve ever had. I went into the oncology clinic and from there things just escalated and my favorite nurse Debbie took one look at me and it was straight to the ER again. I don’t remember everything. The lack of memories was driving me crazy but I’ve surrendered to it now.

I’ve read in books on death and dying that Jesus comes and holds our hand the closer we get to relieve our suffering. We’ve been told His love and mercy are endless but so often this seems like a Sunday School lesson, meant for another world. I don’t remember being afraid except when I saw the surgery room, then they knocked me out.

He doesn’t want us to suffer.

The new cancer drug Tafinlar is going fine so far, side effects are minor. I’m supposed to add another one (Mekinist) next week after I see my cardiologist. They are both pills, so I take them at home. I am up and around. I made it to Walgreen’s yesterday.

I am incredibly grateful for today and however long I have here. We are all so appreciative of everyone’s prayers and help.

Peace to you all,