If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d be blogging about cancer and my faith I wouldn’t have believed you. I was not accustomed to talking about God. I remember once when Dad told some Mormons that he worked nights and they’d better not come back because they were interrupting his nap. He did not work nights. Still though, nobody interrupted Dad’s naps.
I am unlikely candidate for His work, I admit. How can I argue with the one who created the entire world? If He picked this reluctant girl, he must’ve had a reason. I had lunch with a friend who told me “I look like me”. For the time being I am great. Cancer can change a person. For me, it has opened my heart.
Today is so clear and sunny – truly beautiful. Right now nothing is hurting. Dinner is planned and my wonderful, wild kids will be home soon with their loudness and rustling of bags and papers. I walked half a mile and sang in thanksgiving today. I feel better than I have in a year. All of my highs are higher.
All of my lows are lower. An ill child, a missing child, a friend in hospice, another diagnosis, everything seems more painful. I am more accepting. Life, death, and the frustrating inability to change any of it. Still I am thankful because I am taught suffering brings us closer to Christ. Do you think Jesus wept for us as he hung on the cross?
In the middle I muscle through the day. I try to ignore my disease. Impossible. Pills, compression stocking, leaky heart valve, insurance, appointments, oxygen tank. An ache that immediately raises suspicion. People bringing me things, seeing with new eyes, togetherness with my family, deep friendships with countless people, learning, unbounded love, peace. Though those around me fall, God is not done with me. I wish I knew why.
Today I am thanking and praising not the cancer but God who blesses me and brings me through it.
I hope you each have a blessed Thanksgiving,