Let me go on record saying that I’m not a big fan of the “things are going to get worse before they get better” methods of cancer treatment.
I went to my appointment Tuesday ready for my treatment feeling OK, tired, heart racing a little, but nothing out of the ordinary. Or so I thought. I failed the little ET finger test. This is the one where they stick the little monitor on your finger to check your pulse and the oxygen in your blood. I’ve had this about a thousand times in the last three years but never have they asked me to walk around wearing it. Much beeping of the machine ensued. Beeping is never good. Next time they ask me, I will decline. Apparently when you’re on a clinical trial, something can become a big deal quickly.
Last 72 hours
- 8 hours in the ER
- Hospital admission/Discharge = 12 hours
- Maybe 20 people listening to my heart, it’s a teaching hospital, I get it. One time two Drs at once – no kidding
- Tests – Scads of bloodwork, numerous EKGs, Echocardiogram, Cardiac MRI
- Put on oxygen
- 462 retellings of my medication list, my cancer, how I ended up in the ER/Hospital, who my drs are. This I do not get. Everything is in the computer. Come on people.
- Had to make DNR decision again
- 1 cancer treatment – Anti-PD1, 2 days late
- 1 unit of blood
- Called stubborn by multiple people
- Had Drs apologizing to me, that I was so sick (What? Wait? Huh?) and my oncology nurse cried (no, not because I was mean).
I was so loopy after 7 hours in the ER (4 in the waiting room, 3 in the hallway on a bed) I forgot about my brain tumors. Alan had to remind me. I think I said something like “Well, what can I say – I’ve had brain tumors”.
Sunday I’m at a pool party, Tuesday in the ER. Cancer sucks.
Yesterday when I got up I literally could not breathe. It was the scariest thing ever. I dragged myself back to Vanderbilt for my MRI while Alan took #2 and #3 for their last day of school. The one hour MRI where I had to hold my breath every minute or so felt pretty much like dying but I said some prayers and got through it.
I thought for only the second time ever – You know what God, I can’t do this anymore. But then, immediately, I thought of my family. Ah but it’s not up to me anyway, to pick and choose what happens in this life.
The cancer is blocking blood flow from my heart to my lungs and past the point of operable. I’m ready for this new drug to start kicking some cancer butt.
Today is better. I can breathe. I am exhausted from the treatment. The day after seems the worst by far. I’m trying to muster up the energy to get myself back to Vandy. I have another blood transfusion scheduled. It’s also Alan’s birthday. I am so thankful that I have him. He is always by my side and he keeps me going when I think I can’t anymore. I’m so blessed God put us together.
I remain thankful for every day, for my awesome doctors and nurses at Vanderbilt, and my wonderful friends and family. Here’s to hoping for a better tomorrow.
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11
Peace to you all,
Amy
Christy Stanga said:
I’m praying Amy. And I am in awe of you and in awe of the way our God shows and reveals Himself through you. Much love to all of you!
Christine Berk said:
Praying and thinking of you and your family Amy, and ever so inspired by your strength.
Angie Smith said:
Ugh! Sorry you had to go through all that Amy! What a mess. I’m thinking about you and will cross my fingers for an UNEVENTFUL remainder of your treatment! You’re the toughest person I know!
Angie
Edie Whitley said:
Thinking of all of you Amy and Alan…keep the faith. I’m praying:)
Amy Swindle said:
Amy,
I am so sorry to hear the horrible things you have had to deal with and continue to have to endure! I am glad you have God…grace and faith. Your strength amazes me! I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Sue said:
Amy, you keep us all on our toes. I empathize with you, everything gets crazy when you are on a drug trial. I pray that you rest well, and let the drug do its work and the drug works. Take care and I hope Alan has a good birthday.
Sue (aka) drug study hold patient
Susan Plantz said:
You poor girl!!! Sorry that you’re hanging on by a thread. But I gotta believe that thread is very strong and God is holding the other end. You just hang on tight!!!!! Prayers that it gets better right NOW!
Love you!
Susan
Tiffy Baur said:
Amy, I’m so sorry that you have had such a rough time lately! You are so amazing and stronger than anyone I know. And, you still have so much faith! You are so right…..it isn’t up to us, but God knows the plans that He has for us! Hang in there, babe! Keep fighting! Love and miss you! Still praying for you every day!!!!!!!
Betsy said:
Hey Amy,
Praying that the cancer drug kicks in and kicks butt!
Saw Christopher’s picture in the Register. He looks so grown up and ready to conquer high school. Congratulations.
Praying mightily,
Betsy
Karen Johnston said:
Love you, Amy. Praying all the time for you and your family. Happy Birthday to Alan 🙂 xoxo
Bolin Stumb said:
So sorry I didn’t know. I would have been there. You might have recognized me as a friendly face among the doctors and nurses. I assume you are home as I checked patient info at Vanderbilt and they don’t have you in the system. I can come see you tomorrow if you like or wait till Sunday if that is better for you. I am loving you, Bolin
Sent from Bolin’s iPhone
Aimee said:
Amy, the kids and I have been praying for you daily (and nightly:)these past few days, even before knowing all this. The Lord has put you on our hearts and we will continue to pray for healing, fearlessness , rest, and gratitude. Much love to you all. Aimee
Gordon Simpson said:
Your courage makes our trivial trials so meaningless. My prayers are with you.
Jess Bridges said:
Always praying for you. You strengthened my faith so much as I journeyed thru the catechism and now you show me God’s grace as you tread this path. Thank you and God Bless you
kelly knox said:
Amy you are an amazing person. Praying for you and your loved ones everyday. I see Him through you. Kelly Knox
Virginia Paterson said:
Amy, I am continuing to pray for you as you continue this difficult journey. You have been a blessing to so many because you share yourself so freely. I thank God for that in our lives. I hope you know that I am available for you to talk to and pray with. I hope you can beat the beast back again, because you have an enormous desire and courage to do battle with it. Allow those of us who love you and your loving God to help when and where we can so you can stay strong. Lovely woman, you’re on my heart.
Ginger