I had the most amazing thing happen to me today. I asked for rainbows, and He sent them. If you’ve read through this blog you will know about my rainbows. I’ve never felt as alone as when my father passed away and I was diagnosed with the same advanced cancer, less than a month later. Driving to tell my mother was gut wrenching. I was slogging over the plateau in the rain and I begged for a sign, anything, to let me know He was there.
There they were right on the road. I drove through rainbow after rainbow. I knew I wasn’t alone. I pulled over and wept. He also sent me a rainbow in Houston right after I finished my last round of biochemo. We saw it on the Houston news – it ended right in the part of the city where we were.
After that it kept coming and coming back to me. Really Lord, I thought, I am supposed to tell people I’m seeing rainbows? It just sounds so… crazy. Finally, I got the courage and blogged about it. Kermit the frog singing on his log keeps comes to mind.
Today has been a hard day. A good friend of mine, who definitely has some God-mojo going on, told me I needed to focus on those times He reached out and let me know He is there. As I was driving to school to pick up my kids I thought, “God, I thought I was doing what you wanted, I thought we had a good thing going here. I reluctantly blog it out and tell people everything, even if my sacred privacy is gone and it makes me sound like a complete nut-job. Do I have this all wrong? Where are you? God, if there is ever a day I need a rainbow, today is the day.” I looked around me at the nearly clear Nashville sky and thought “That will never happen.”
A couple of hours later I’m driving #2 to soccer practice and she says “Look Mom! A rainbow!” Just in case I didn’t get it, we saw the other end of the rainbow just as we topped the hill coming down our street. It was way up in the sky, right over our house. Still there was hardly a cloud in the sky.
Yesterday I found out I have two brain tumors. One is new and it’s 4 mm. The other is the tumor they diagnosed in April and told me was gone from the Zelboraf. Now it’s back and 6 mm.
That’s all I know right now. I went for a regular brain MRI this morning that will give precise information to treat these little critters. We are meeting with the radiation oncologist Thursday to discuss and schedule SRS (Sterotactic Radiosurgery aka Gamma Knife or Cyber Knife) which is a focused form of high-dose radiation which zaps the tumor and kills it. I expect this all to happen pretty quickly. Then I will continue with the third and hopefully fourth dose of Ipi.
Some patients have had radiation super-charge their Ipi treatments and somehow the immune system takes off like a rocket killing off melanoma all over the body. This is what I’m hoping for. Why not me? I won’t give up.
I am disappointed. I was not expecting this, nor was my doctor since 8 weeks ago my brain was all clear. Melanoma is a nasty, evil beast. I try not to think about what else is going on inside my heart or other parts and just enjoy that I am feeling good today. I refuse to rethink my treatment decisions or to “What if”. I am thankful this was found now, rather than in 6 weeks or so when I have my other scans. The kids took the news well, even my teenager hugged me. They reassured me we would get through this just like we’ve gotten through everything else.
I will let you know more when I know. He will get my family through this and He does have the power to heal me. I want so much to believe He will do it.
Peace to you all and I hope you each receive your own kind of rainbow when you need it most.
Amy
ellemh@comcast.net said:
i saw those rainbows today, too…3 of them, this afternoon. it was the strangest thing. I saw the first right after i read your email (during my string of expletives ) then another about an hour later. How wonderful that i got to see your rainbows today. There was not a drop of rain and only a very few clouds…just your rainbows. Lovely. Lori
Herrmann Betsy said:
Hey Amy,
Rainbows appear after a storm. You are in the midst of a storm, but your rainbow will continue to show itself to you when you need reassurance.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Your faith is inspiring, and serves as my rainbow when I might have a cloudy or stormy day.
Praying for you and your continued strength and positive attitude, Amy!
Betsy and family
Katie Miller & Co. said:
Love you girl -we will keep chasing rainbows with you and pray on. Lifting you all up. God has carried you all in His hands this far………HE will not stop now ! Hugs!
Ryan Nelson said:
I saw the rainbows too and Maggie and I were praying for you. I can’t see one and not think of you now.
Fight. That’s all you have been doing and it has worked girl. Fight.
All my prayers. Michelle
Sent from my iPhone
Suzanne said:
Love you, Amy. Sorry I missed the walk, but know you understand. I am still with you, my friend. Give Parker and your Mom an extra hug from me and know extra prayers are being said for you all. Hang in….Suzanne/aka Nana
Karen Johnston said:
May ALL your days be filled with rainbows, Amy 🙂 xoxo
Bolin said:
You see rainbows I see white butterflies. I see them when I need them most and feel they are the Holy Spirit guiding me along. God is everywhere in rainbows and butterflies and in you guiding us all along through your blog. Thanks for being there for all of us. Hope you feel the prayers and rainbows and butterflies flowing your way. Bolin
Marla said:
Dearest Amy, I see you and your life as a prism. Through you and your sharing I see the spectral colors – those of the rainbow. You reflect the light of God through being the special woman you are. Thank you for entering my life. Marla
Christy Stanga said:
Oh Amy – praying! Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:2
Jennifer Handshy said:
I will be looking for rainbows and praying for the best. Your faith and strength will get you through. God bless you and all your family.
Jennifer
Beth Dodd said:
Many Biblical figures were reluctant participants. Remember Moses (I am not a good speaker, Lord.) Paul had to have a blinding light conversion experience to get him going. And God used so many ordinary people for extraordinary things. Mary – age 13 or 14, just an ordinary girl. Rahab the prostitute. I’m sure it must feel wrong to put yourself in their category, but, the fact is, your testimony is profound. There is no telling how many people you have touched. My faith, for one, has been emboldened by your journey. You are not a nut-job. I believe without question those rainbows are from God. I am re-reading all the Narnia books to Lydia (not getting through them as fast as when Benton was little). We’re just at the end of Magician’s Nephew and read last night the part where Digory cries and he looks up and Aslan has tears in his eyes. The great God of the universe feels our fears and pain. Proud of you for having the courage to post what you know is true. Amy the Nashvegas Prophet. Has a nice ring to it.
Amy said:
Keep fighting just like you’ve been doing, Amy! I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Holly said:
Amy — this is Holly, Jon Jordan’s wife. I pray for you every day. My 17 year old niece had a mole removed that was very early stage melanoma. It scares me to death what her future holds. I can only hope she has your amazing faith, courage, and stamina. I was driving home from work yesterday and could not stop staring at the rainbow. It had not even rained! It was beautiful and unique. I tried to take a picture, but decided I better keep my hands on the wheel since I was going over 65 mph. 🙂 But, now I know that it was special — it was yours. I am so glad that your eyes are open enough to see it. You are touching so many that you do not even realize. I hope this also gives you strength when you need it. Holly Jordan
Edie said:
Amy, I am thinking about you and your family and praying hard for all of you. I am so proud of your spirits–I know it’s hard to feel happy all the time but keep thinking about those beautiful children and focus on YOU:) sending love and good vibes.
Susan Plantz said:
“She at once stood up straight, and glorified God.” Luke 13:13. Amy you are loved and adored by God, we don’t always understand His will or His plan. All I know is that Gdo is glorified in everything you are doing. I hope you feel up to coming to Mass and our bible study today, if not, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers each an every day. But most especially today.
Jess Bridges said:
The gamma knife can do amazing things. I am praying for a wonderful immune response to fry all those corrupt cells. I will pray thru the intercession of St Isidore that the technology will work in harmony with your physicians for the healing of your body. Always in our prayers…thanks for sharing the rainbows…Here is another-My daughter’s Saint costume for the mass procession tomorrow is that of St Joan of Arc. She carries a replica of her banner depicting Christ seated upon…a rainbow.
j said:
Amy..I am in awe! . . To have cancer is alarming enough to bear, but, for you to be given the strength, wisdom about God’s Healing Powers, as I see He has blessed you with… have put me in awe of what God’s healing hand is doing while He gives to you the insight to give all of us, who witness your struggles & challenges, a greater knowledge of how He listens to our prayers. All of us, here at St. Philips’ have you in our hearts and prayers every single day. Thank you for bringing all of us closer to God by all your inspiring examples of accepting His Divine Will .. you will conquer this because God is walking beside you in everything you do..God Bless You and keep you in His Healing Hands..a friend of Millie’s..Judy McGee
Linda said:
Amy, I don’t even know you. I’m a college friend of Lori H. I have been reading your site and praying for you. I love your honesty. And you make me not feel crazy- my rainbows are yellow butterflies in pairs! I’ll keep praying!
Dawn Cerino said:
Everything is possible with God! Keep praying as if your prayers are already answered and they will be. I can’t think of the exact verse at the moment…but that’s what he says! I get goose bumps thinking about those beautiful rainbows that he sends you! Thank you for taking a picture of it so we all can see it too and BELIEVE!!!